Surviving First Trimester
I found out I was pregnant on a Thursday morning in April during one of of our crazy spring snowstorms here in Alberta. We had only been trying for a couple of months, but after two cycles of negative tests, every month already felt significant. The month before, I was convinced I was pregnant. I was exhausted, emotional, anxious, and just didn't feel like myself. When my period eventually came, I was heartbroken, but knew this was a part of the process. The next month, I tried not to get my hopes up. I tested six days early and it was negative. I tested again two days before and got another negative so I accepted that we'd probably be trying again next month. Then, on Thursday morning, I decided to take one more test. The line was so faint that I wasn't even sure I was seeing it. I took another two tests, and there it was again. I was pregnant. I spent the next seven hours waiting for Alan to get home from work so I could tell him and we got to live in a bubble for a few days where we talked about our hopes and dreams for our little family.
A few days later, we told a couple of close friends. One of them immediately told me to start looking for a midwife because they fill up quickly, and she was right. If there's one practical piece of advice I would give anyone who has just found out they're pregnant, it's to start researching your care team early. Not long after that, I told my parents because I was about to leave on a four-week trip to Europe with them, and I knew they'd need to know if anything happened while I was away.
As it turned out, that was the right decision. Shortly after telling them, I started having pain and bleeding. We ended up in the emergency room for an ultrasound, unsure of what was happening. After an ultrasound the could confirm there was a bleed behind the baby and it could go either way. It wasn’t a substantial enough bleed that they recommended no travel, but leaving for Europe was difficult. Alan and I both knew there was a chance something could happen while I was away, and saying goodbye at the airport was much harder than either of us expected.
There were still some really special moments during that trip, like getting to tell my best friend in London in person that I was pregnant. And getting to tell my brother in person. I'm so grateful I have that. And a few days later, after I arrived in Milan to visit my brother, the bleeding finally stopped.
Almost immediately, the nausea started.
It wasn't just in the mornings, and it wasn't occasional. I felt sick almost all the time. I licked an envelope, immediately threw up. It was so comical my brother was crying laughing because it was straight out of a movie. Tomato sauce, pizza, pasta, fried food, and even walking past restaurants was enough to make my stomach turn. I had imagined spending weeks exploring Italy, but instead I was counting down the days until I could go home. After a few weeks of feeling miserable, I changed my flight and came home early.
That was when it really hit me that this pregnancy was going to be much harder than I had expected. Not because anything was wrong, but because I realized that, for some people, the first trimester is less about enjoying pregnancy and more about simply getting through each day. I felt like I was surviving life, not thriving and I think I was a bit disillusioned on what pregnancy could look like, and what severe nausea was doing.
When I came back and could breathe clean fresh air with no garlic, onions, pasta, pizza, sewage (ew), or any other constant smells, things improved, but then I hit week 9 and throwing up was happening 4-5 times a day. A couple of nights I was choking on my own vomit because I couldn’t catch a breath before it would start again. I wanted to throat punch anyone who told me to “try ginger”, oh trust me I did. Or try nausea bands, or try lemon water, or ginger chews, or literally any natural method. Try the supplements, try B6. It didn’t work for me, and it felt like such a “you’re copping out by taking medication” when I talked to friends or practitioners. I was losing weight and it wasn’t good. My doctor ended up putting me on a second anti-nausea (Zofran, thank god), and it went down to 1-2 times a day and now partway through second (as I write this), it’s down to a few times a week. Nausea is still there, and I’m still taking Zofran every day, but at least its not as severe. I still feel the urge to throat punch anyone who tries to give me unsolicited advice, especially when it starts with, “but have you tried ginger?”
Then started the migraines and nerve pain.
I knew that pregnancy meant I had to cut everything out like Alleve (I cannot wait to take these again), Advil, but also nerve blocks and botox for migraines. I think I’d forgotten what it was like, and I’ve spent days in my first and second trimester unable to see or cope with nerve pain. My OB kindly said I could continue botox, but the real issue has been finding someone who will still inject a pregnant woman, which has been pretty much none. Its unfortunately part of the reason i’m still throwing up on a regular basis (from pain), but I’m really hoping that it will stop eventually.
There have been a couple of funny nausea moments, like the time I walked into a room to wish Alan a ‘first’ Happy Father’s Day and ended up throwing up in my hands before I could finish my sentence. Or Alan learning that early nausea was triggered by the stupidest things, and even saying the wrong thing immediately ended up with me throwing everything up. We’ve been able to laugh a few times which has made the days feel lighter.
Eating to Nourish Baby... and Sometimes Just Eating
When I found out I was pregnant, one of the first books I bought was The 9 Months That Last Forever. It talks about how nutrition during pregnancy helps shape your baby's health, not just before birth, but for years to come. Naturally, I was determined to eat all the "right" things.
Thankfully, the first chapter was a reality check. It talks about how the first trimester is often just about surviving, and if surviving means eating a chocolate croissant every day because it's the only thing you can keep down, then that's okay. For the last four months, processed sugar has almost guaranteed that I'll throw up. Chocolate, ice cream, cookies, and sweet treats have all been off the table. Instead, the foods that have been the easiest to tolerate have been vegetables, potatoes, some fruit, and protein when I can manage it, especially if I don't have to smell it cooking first.
There have definitely been phases. I ate grilled cheese almost every day for a week (I don't think I'll be eating another one for quite a while), and cheese strings somehow became one of my favourite snacks. Looking back, I think my body was probably asking for more protein than anything else.
These are the foods that have consistently worked for me:
A peanut butter and banana smoothie every morning (made by my MVP husband before he leaves for work)
Yams and squash
Oatmeal (usually just once a day)
Cheese
Cajun Chicken Cheddar sandwiches from Earls
Avocados... sometimes, depending on the day
Writing it all down, it doesn't feel like a very long list. As I've started feeling a little better in the second trimester, I'm trying to focus less on eating "perfectly" and more on gradually adding back foods that will help both me and baby. Protein is a big priority, especially eggs, Greek yogurt, cottage cheese, chicken or lean red meat and nut butters. I'm also trying to include iron-rich foods where I can, since iron needs increase as pregnancy progresses. Pairing those foods with something high in vitamin C, like berries or oranges can help with absorption. Healthy fats from foods like avocado, nuts and seeds is also important for baby's brain development, along with calcium-rich foods for both of us.
I'm reminding myself that nutrition over the course of an entire pregnancy matters more than any single meal or any single week. Right now, my goal is to keep adding variety as I can, but if the choice is between eating something that stays down or the "perfect" pregnancy meal that doesn't, I'm choosing the food that stays down every time.
The Comments I Wish People Would Stop Making
One thing I wasn't prepared for was how many comments people would make about my body. I've received plenty of unsolicited advice about nausea, but that's one thing. Most people are genuinely trying to help, even if I've probably already tried whatever they're suggesting. The comments about my body have been much harder to navigate.
At 18 weeks, I've gained very little weight, and honestly, it's something I've struggled with more than I expected. During the first trimester, I actually lost weight because I was so sick. Baby girl has continued to grow exactly as she should, and my midwife has reassured me that she's taking what she needs. But she's also taken a lot out of me. I've lost muscle, I still don't have much of an appetite, and despite trying, I haven't been able to eat enough to really start gaining weight yet.
At the same time, I do have a bump, and I love seeing it. It's reassuring. It's a visible reminder that she's growing. Since I haven't gained much anywhere else, seeing my bump has become one of the few physical changes that has actually brought me comfort.
That's why some of the comments I've received have been surprisingly difficult to hear.
"If you're already showing at 12 weeks, she must be massive." "If she's only the size of a pomegranate this week, how do you already have a bump?" "Just make sure you only gain as much weight as the baby weighs."
Most of these comments came from people who care about me. I don't think any of them intended to be hurtful, but after hearing them enough times, I found myself responding almost automatically.
"Don't worry, I haven't really gained any weight."
"I still fit into all my pre-pregnancy clothes except my pants because of the bump."
Looking back, that makes me a little sad. I've spent years working on having a healthier relationship with my body, and pregnancy was supposed to be one of the few times in life where weight gain wasn't something I felt I needed to justify. Instead, I caught myself reassuring other people that I wasn't "getting too big," when in reality I was worried that I wasn't gaining enough. I am exactly where I need to be right now, and my baby is measuring at exactly the average size for her age. So many things affect how your body is shaped around the baby; placenta, organ placement and size, torso length etc, existing body weight etc.
It reminded me that we really don't know what's happening behind someone else's pregnancy. One person may be struggling to gain weight because they've been sick for months. Someone else may be gaining weight faster than expected and feeling self-conscious about that. Someone else may be carrying a pregnancy after loss and simply trying to make it through each appointment.
Bodies change differently during pregnancy, and none of us know the full story just by looking at someone. If someone in your life is pregnant, my advice is simple: try not to comment on their body at all. Instead, ask how they're feeling. Ask how appointments have been going. Tell them they're doing a great job. Celebrate their growing family, not the size or shape of their body. Those are the comments they'll remember.
What This Pregnancy Has Taught Me
If there's one thing this pregnancy has reinforced for me, it's how little we know about what someone else is carrying. For the last year and a half, I've been living with chronic nerve pain that no one has been able to fully explain or solve. It's an invisible illness. Most people wouldn't know I'm in pain just by looking at me, and over time I became very good at pretending I was okay.
Pregnancy has reminded me just how exhausting that can be. Trying to navigate constant nausea, migraines, and nerve pain at the same time has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. There are very few medications that are considered safe during pregnancy, so many of the things that helped me manage my pain before are no longer options. It has made me appreciate just how much invisible illnesses can affect someone's day-to-day life, even when the people around them have no idea.
It's also completely changed the way I look at other pregnant women. Before this, I knew pregnancy could be hard, but I don't think I truly understood just how hard it can be. I honestly don't know how so many women get up every morning, commute to work, spend eight or more hours in an office, and come home to keep life running while feeling so unwell. Even walking past someone's lunch in the office would have been enough to make me sick.
There is a reason I disappeared for a while. I cancelled plans. I worked far less than I normally would. I stayed home more often than not because that was all I could manage. For a long time, I felt guilty about that. Now I realize I wasn't being lazy, I was doing the best I could with the energy and health I had.
There have been days where I've cried because I was so overwhelmed by the combination of pain, nausea, migraines, and the anxiety that came with wondering when it would finally ease. Prenatal depression and anxiety have made those days even heavier. There were moments when I wished I could simply skip ahead to the end of pregnancy because I was so physically and mentally exhausted. If you've felt that way too, I hope you know you're not alone.
I also hope we can make more space for honest conversations about pregnancy. It doesn't have to be a glowing, comfortable, joyful experience every single day. Sometimes it's wonderful. Sometimes it's incredibly hard. Both things can be true at the same time.
And maybe this makes me a terrible pregnant person, but I'm already looking forward to my first Aleve after delivery. I'm looking forward to Botox, nerve blocks, and being able to eat a normal meal without wondering if I'll throw it up ten minutes later. None of that means I'm not grateful to be pregnant, it just means I'm looking forward to feeling like myself again. I can love this little girl with everything I have and still admit that I haven't loved being pregnant. Those two things don't cancel each other out. In fact, I think they're more common than we realize.
If you’re in the thick of it, I send you all the love and support possible. If you haven’t yet gotten pregnant, this isn’t meant to scare you, it’s more to say that pregnancy is so much more complicated for some people than others, and there is support out there for you that you can put in place ahead of time to make it easier and build a support system from the beginning.
Love, M